


He Couldn't Be Saved

by A_Wild_Imposter



Series: Remember, remember, the 16th of November [3]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: 2020 L'Manberg Election on Dream Team SMP (Video Blogging RPF), Angst, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Character Study, Don't mind me projecting on Wilbur about failure, Dream Smp, Exile, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Wilbur Soot, Hybrids, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Insane Wilbur Soot, L'Manberg War of Independence on Dream Team SMP (Video Blogging RPF), Manberg-Pogtopia War on Dream Team SMP Spoilers (Video Blogging RPF), Not Beta Read, Post-Manberg Festival on Dream Team SMP (Video Blogging RPF), Pre-Manberg Festival on Dream Team SMP (Video Blogging RPF), Pre-Manberg-Pogtopia War on Dream Team SMP (Video Blogging RPF), Sky Gods - Freeform, Songfic, Suicidal Thoughts, The Author Regrets Nothing, This is just angst guys, Villain Arc, Villain Wilbur Soot, We die like Friend in Jan 6, Wilbur Soot and Technoblade and TommyInnit are Siblings, Wilbur Soot is Not Okay, Wilbur Soot-centric, l'manburg, no happy parts here really, only in two scenes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-13 06:09:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28648827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Wild_Imposter/pseuds/A_Wild_Imposter
Summary: Unknowingly, he was slowly being pulled into the portal too. Maybe that’s why Phil let go of his hand.“Wilbur,” he heard his dad say. He looked up and saw regretful blue eyes staring back at him.“Take care of your brothers for me.”That was the last thing he said before letting go of his hands, letting him be consumed by the sky blue portal._________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Or: Wilbur's story from start to finish
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s), Wilbur Soot & Phil Watson, Wilbur Soot & Technoblade, Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit, Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit & Phil Watson
Series: Remember, remember, the 16th of November [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2031430
Comments: 16
Kudos: 85
Collections: Completed stories I've read





	He Couldn't Be Saved

**Author's Note:**

> I woke up today and chose violence.
> 
> Song by: The Hoosiers

It was a normal day when it happened. 

Oh how he wished it was, he really did.

He woke up early that day because of a noise. 

He quietly opened his door and went to the direction of his dad’s room. He heard sounds of struggling coming from his dad’s room. (Some part of him wished he didn’t open that door, the other was glad he got some closure unlike his brothers).

He opened his dad’s door, and dread pooled into his stomach.

His dad was halfway deep into a sky blue portal, he was hanging onto the frame of his bed. Barely hanging on, looking like he would be consumed by the portal any minute now.

“Dad!” he shouted, running towards him. He grabbed one of his arms and pulled with all his 13-year-old might. He tried pulling him out of the portal, but it was hard.

A few moments passed, and his dad is shoulder deep into the portal, yet he still is pulling with all his might. He doesn’t want his dad to go, he doesn’t want to. 

Unknowingly, he was slowly being pulled into the portal too. ~~_Maybe that’s why Phil let go of his hand._~~

“Wilbur,” he heard his dad say. He looked up and saw regretful blue eyes staring back at him.

“Take care of your brothers for me.” 

That was the last thing he said before letting go of his hands, letting him be consumed by the sky blue portal. 

The portal disappeared and left no trace. Like it wasn’t even there (like how his dad never existed).

He should’ve been stronger, he should’ve had a stronger grip on his dad. Maybe if he wasn’t such a weakling, his dad would still be here.

“Wilby?” he heard a voice say.

He turned around and saw his younger brother Techno at the door, sleepily rubbing his eyes.

“What’s going on?”

“Oh,” he quickly rubbed his eyes (Since when did he start crying?) and put on a strained smile. “Ev-everything’s okay,” he lied through his teeth, trying to assure his younger brother.

“Where’s Phil?” he innocently asked.

He felt a sharp pang of pain in his chest, but he pushed it down when he answered. “Oh he went hunting early, I think you should go back to sleep Techie.”

“Okay,” he mumbles sleepily before going back to sleep, leaving him alone with his thoughts.

He has a responsibility now, his dad told him to take care of his brothers before he went.

 _This time_ , he thought to himself. _This time I won’t fail._

* * *

It’s been a few months since his dad was kidnapped. 

He has been working multiple jobs in the village just to sustain all three of them. His brothers were too young to work (being nine and five respectively), so he took it upon himself to support them. Even if he’s working himself to the bone.

Fortunately, Phil had a farm set up so he won’t work that hard for food. He can also sell some of the food for a bit of extra cash.

While taking care of his brothers and working, he spends his free time in the library. Trying to find out answers to what happened to his dad and how to free him. The only thing he had to go off was a sky blue portal.

After a few weeks of research, he found his answer. He didn’t like it.

He learned that his dad was taken by the sky gods. Not much is known about those entities, except that they choose people to be their play things. Kidnapping them and making them go through challenges for their entertainment.

Chosen champions ~~_victims_~~ of these mysterious entities are always taken by a sky blue portal. The same portal his dad went through. 

With all the books he read on the sky gods, there is nothing he can do to bring him back. All he could do is sit tight and pray that he will come back mostly unscathed. 

He hates doing that, he hates sitting and waiting. But there’s not much he can do. He had his brothers to care for, he can’t just recklessly risk his own life to try to save their dad. 

They’re people relying on him now, he has to be responsible. He can’t afford to be reckless. He can’t afford to be childish.

He is brought out of his thoughts by the smell of the food he’s making. He looked down at the pot and saw the stew was done.

 _Huh,_ he thought to himself. _I must’ve zoned out at one point._

He poured the stew in three separate bowls and set them on the table, ready to be consumed.

He poked his head outside and saw Techno reading on the chair, while Tommy was playing in the grass.

He called them both to lunch. Tommy rushed through the door, with Techno trailing behind slowly.

They all sat, him seated in (Phil’s) the head chair, his two brothers at his side.

“Wait,” he said to both of them, before they started digging in. “Let’s pray to the sky gods before we eat.”

He heard twin sounds of groaning, Tommy being more loud and exaggerated then Techno.

“Why do we have to pray to the sky gods?” Techno asked. “You never cared about gods, ever since a few months ago.” _Ever since Phil left_ , left unsaid.

Techno was always a smart child. He knew something happened that day, but he believed their dad walked out on them, not the actual truth. He plans to prolong telling them that, he doesn’t want to burden them with the product of his failures.

He sighed. “I just think we can use some divine intervention during this time. Maybe thank them for the blessings we have now,” he explained to his brothers.

They both begrudgingly complied, all of them clasping their hands together. Giving all of them a moment of silence for a prayer.

Tommy is probably praying for a new toy. Techno is probably thanking them for their blessings. 

His prayer however, was always the same. 

_Dear sky gods, please bring Phil back one day mostly unscathed. That’s the only thing I ask of you._

* * *

_People are puppets held together with string_

_There’s a beautiful sadness that runs through him_

_As he asks me to pray to the God he doesn’t believe in_

* * *

He was awoken by the sound of his door opening. 

He opened his eyes and saw the frame of his eleven-year-old brother, shaking a bit.

“Techno? What’s wrong?” he asked, voice filled with worry.

Techno said nothing, he just walked silently towards Wilbur and hugged him like he would disappear into thin air. ~~_Like Phil did_~~ He can feel Techno crying into his shoulder.

He hugged him back and ran his fingers through his long pink hair. Trying to calm him down enough to ask what’s wrong.

“What happened?” he whispered to his little brother, hands still gently running through his hair,

“I had a nightmare about you disappearing,” his brother murmured quietly. Afraid if he spoke loud enough, it would come true.

“Oh Techie, I won’t leave you. I will never leave you,” he muttered to Techno. Assuring him that he isn’t going anywhere, that he would stay with him forever. ~~_Phil promised him that too_~~

He spent a few moments telling him that he’s here, and forever here for him, until he calmed down.

“Why did Phil leave us?” Techno asked. “Was it because I’m a monster?”

Techno was always insecure about how he looks. Him being a piglin hybrid leads him to be ostracized by the nearby village. Their dad would always defend him, and so did Wilbur when he disappeared. 

“You’re not a monster Techie, you’re different. And that’s what makes you unique.” he comforts his brother. “After all, the world would be boring if no one was unique.”

Techno let out a contented noise. He smiled knowing he did okay in comforting his brother. 

His brother was on the verge of consciousness when he said, “I miss Phil.”

Another pang of pain went through his heart. “Me too Techno. Me too.”

After assuring Techno was asleep, he cried. 

He feels so tired all the time. Everything was so overwhelming that he just wanted it to stop. He just wants to feel truly happy again like he did when Phil was here with them.

Who would've thought this was where his life would go? Fifteen years old and working multiple jobs just to sustain him and his brothers.

He didn’t want this responsibility, he didn’t want to grow up so fast for his brothers. But he will for them, because that’s their dad’s final wish before he was gone.

_Come back dad, please. I’m too tired to go on._

* * *

_Time and again boys are raised to be men_

_Impatient they start, fearful they end_

_But here was a man mourning tomorrow_

_He drank, but finally drowned in his sorrow_

* * *

It has been 5 years since Phil disappeared. It has been 1 year since he lost his younger brother. It has been a few months since he and Tommy took refuge in Dream’s land.

Their village got raided by hybrid hunters. They tried to run, tried to leave before they found them, before they found Techno. 

But they were too late.

They got separated, and from the screams he heard, Techno was captured. 

They can’t turn back now, Tommy was too young, ~~_he was too young. Techno was too young. They were all too young-_~~ he needed to be safe.

With a heavy heart, he ran away with Tommy. Away from the chaos, hoping the hunters don’t find them. 

(Techno’s screams and shouting his name in desperation will forever haunt him.)

~~_Why can’t he do anything right?_ ~~

At least he had Tommy with him. At least he didn’t fail their dad completely. 

He met new friends in this land. More people his age, and so did Tommy.

He’s happy that Tommy found someone to talk with, unlike in the other village. ~~_Some part of him wonders if Techno will like this place, they have hybrids here too._~~

He was so used to working so much, that in this new land, he didn’t need to work that much anymore. They all shared their resources, everyone was nice.

Until he ruined it all ~~_just like he always did_~~.

He learned how to make potions, and thought about selling them. 

He ended up roping Tommy and his friend Tubbo into this by asking them to get supplies. 

He liked the strength potions, it gave him the feeling that he can do anything. The feeling that he’s strong and not the weakling he was.

It was an ~~ _addictive_~~ invigorating feeling. He didn’t want it to stop. 

He made a new country. A place where everyone can be happy ~~_where he can stay happy_~~. People joined, Tommy, Tubbo, Fundy, Eret, Niki, Jack.

Apparently, Dream didn’t like him making a new country. He threatened to blow it all up if he didn’t step down.

The old Wilbur would gladly step down, and would let Dream walk all over him.

But he’s different now, more confident. So, he told him no, he won’t, he will defend this place with his life.

~~_He doesn’t realize that he has become what he swore not to be; reckless_ ~~

* * *

_Oh, he could not break surface tension_

_He looked in the wrong place for redemption_

* * *

Revolution is never a simple thing.

Revolution isn’t like those battles in children’s storybooks, where battles are quick and easy. No, revolution is messy and exhausting.

It takes extreme mental effort to strategize, to find a way around the enemy. If you go in rushing blindly, you’re a goner. He learned that the hard way. ~~_His allies’ terrified eyes as they rush Dream’s forces are another thing that haunts him now_~~. 

He was never the one to think of strategies and military tactics ~~_Techno was always interested in them_~~ , but he learned quickly. All his friends were counting on him too.

The more this revolution drags on, the more he buries into trying to win this war. 

Show no weakness, he keeps on telling himself. A leader shows no weakness in the face of difficulty. He has to stay strong for his friends (he is a professional at that), to keep morale up, to assure them he got everything handled ~~_the mask is slipping, everything is slipping, need to get back control-_~~

Failure is not an option. He won’t fail the people he loves ~~_again_~~.

He doesn’t notice how he’s drifting farther from everyone as time goes on. ~~_Maybe that’s why Eret betrayed him_~~.

* * *

_Don’t look at me with those eyes_

_I tried to_ _anaesthetize_

_Turn back the tide that drew him_

_But he couldn’t be saved_

_A sadness runs through him_

_Through him_

* * *

Betrayal, he learns, is a painful thing to bear.

Eret’s betrayal took on a toll on everyone. Morale is really low and everyone is struggling to get the motivation to do something.

He tried being a source of comfort, strength to his friends. ~~ _Being a teen parent for five years helped_~~ He pushed his own feelings down to help others. Just like he always did. 

He drank more strength potions to keep him going. ~~_To give him the strength that he gave to his friends_~~

He should’ve realized that they were all too young to be fighting in a war like this. But they were all too deep into this, there was no backing out now. ~~_Failure is not an option. Don’t fail your loved ones again. Don’t be a failure again-_~~

They have no time to waste, they have to get back on their feet again before Dream takes advantage of this. ~~_They’re children, let them rest please-_~~

Like he ~~_Techno while play-fighting with Tommy_ ~~always said. Revolution waits for no man.

* * *

They did it.

 ~~ _He_~~ They finally did it.

They won ~~_he succeeded_~~.

He learned that Tommy achieved their independence by maturely trading his discs with Dream. ~~_He’s supposed to be a child-_~~

After two years of fighting, they finally won _he finally succeeded_. 

He felt like he was on cloud nine when he heard that news. The rush of success felt so intoxicating ~~_So addicting, want more-_~~.

“Suck it green boy!” he joyfully shouts to Dream and his allies. Not caring if they are mad, he felt so damn happy that they finally won ~~_that he finally succeeded at something, that he isn’t a failure_~~.

He looked up to the sky and thought of Phil. 

_Are you proud of me Phil?_ He thought happily. When (if) he hears of this, surely he would be happy. ~~_You brought children to war-_~~ He finally did something right. ~~_He’s finally worth something-_~~

For once in his life, everything seemed to be looking up.

* * *

_Time and again boys are raised to be men_

_Impatient they start, fearful they end_

_But here was a man mourning tomorrow_

_He drank, but finally drowned in his sorrow_

* * *

It’s been a year since winning the revolution

They had spent time rebuilding L’manburg, making it more beautiful.

They flourished in this one year of peace, he oversaw everything. The reconstruction, the trade deals, alliances, and all that stuff.

His friends tell him that he’s a great leader ~~_Lies, all of them are lies_~~. That he’s doing a great job in leading the country. ~~_Only a matter of time 'til you fail._~~

He preens at the praise ~~_attention seeker_~~ , but it doesn’t feel enough for some reason.

He wants to feel that rush of success like he did when they won the revolution. The feeling that he knows he did something right in his life. He wants ~~_craves_ ~~that feeling again.

He found a way to feel that rush of success ~~_failure_~~ again.

“Hey Tommy,” he says, calling his brother’s attention. ~~_You’re making a big mistake_~~

“Yes?” Tommy replied. ~~_Don’t-_~~

“How do you feel about an election?” ~~_You’re only setting yourself up for failure_~~

* * *

The sounds of celebration around him become muted. The paper becomes as heavy as lead as he reads the results.

How did he fail? ~~_I told you-_~~

He forced himself to stop worrying. It’s just a peaceful transfer of power. Sure he lost the election ~~_a failure, that’s what you are_~~ , but it doesn’t mean that he will leave L’manburg. ~~_Right?_~~

He doesn’t remember saying the results, he feels dissociated from everything. ~~_You lost, you failed_~~.

He doesn’t remember going down to the crowd and sitting next to his fourteen-year-old brother. ~~_He’s disappointed in you, who wouldn’t be?_~~

But what he does remember is the fear he felt as Schlatt exiled them both. ~~_You broke your promise_~~.

How did he fail this much? 

* * *

_Oh, he could not break surface tension_

_He looked in the wrong place for redemption_

* * *

Everything went downhill after the election. ~~_It’s all your fault_~~

The first year in this cold and dark ravine was hard, but they managed. ~~_your fault your fault_~~

Tommy found it when they were running away, he doesn’t remember much due to him being shot by an arrow on the way there. ~~_Failure, can’t do anything right-_~~

Everyday he felt like he was slipping, felt like it was only a matter of time before he went into a downward spiral. ~~_You failed, it’s all your fault everything is like this._~~

The only thing that was keeping him sane was his brother. It reminded him despite all his mistakes and failures ~~_you are never good enough_~~ , he still did something right. He still kept his promise.

Everything really started going downhill for him a few months later. ~~_You knew it was coming_~~

Tommy said that he got the infamous warrior called “The Blade” to help in their revolution. He never heard of this person, so he let Tommy bring this person over in a location far from their ravine base. ~~_He can’t afford to make mistakes right now._~~

The day came where they would meet this warrior. On the way to the location, Tommy would talk his ear off about this person. How he can decimate armies in a few hours, how he was the best warrior the world has ever seen. Always bloodthirsty, always killing to make sacrifices to the Blood God. A god this person made a deal with to become this powerful.

He is slightly sympathetic towards this person. Being tangled with the gods is never a good thing. 

He’s happy ~~_e_ _ ~~n~~ vious_~~ on how happy Tommy is talking about this person. His happiness is all he wanted for him.

They finally reached their destination. He sees a figure already there, and despite the piglin mask he wears, he knows who this is. Someone he thought he lost years ago.

“Techno?” he said quietly, afraid if he spoke any louder his younger brother would disappear.

He sees Techno ~~_he’s alive! He didn’t fail that much!_~~ shift towards their direction, and spot them both.

He doesn’t wait any longer as he tackles Techno in a hug, waiting for him to hug back. But he never did, he just stood there awkwardly as he continued to hug the warrior.

Techno would usually return his hugs, even though he’s shy about it. ~~_You failed him once again_~~

“What happened to you?” he whispers to Techno ~~_to the stranger_~~

“I grew up,” he said simply. ~~ _Failure, failure, **failure-**_~~

He started tearing up. He really was a failure, was he?

Then a cold realization struck him.

“Techno,” he said in a calm tone that betrays his internal emotions. “Did you make a deal with the Blood god?” He internal pleads with him that this isn’t true. He can’t lose another family member to the gods. He can’t. ~~ _He can’t accept that he failed_~~

Techno calmly matches his stare. White blank eyes of the mask seem to stare into his soul. “I did what I had to do,” was all he said, but it told him everything.

He breaks down, can’t believe that he failed Techno this much.

That he lost his younger brother again, not to hunters, but to the gods.

* * *

Months after that encounter, he started feeling worse and worse.

He tried his best to act like nothing happened, but every time he sees Techno ~~_he’s so different_~~ , he can’t but feel terrible. ~~_You deserve it, you failed him after all_~~

Everytime the warrior acts like his old Techno, he can’t help but hope that he’s still there. He crushes that hope blooming in his heart. The Blood God’s influence ran too deep for him to hope the peaceful little boy he raised ~~_failed_ ~~was still there. ~~_All your fault._~~

What kept him from descending into madness is that he didn’t completely fail Tommy. ~~_You will eventually. All you do is make mistakes._~~ Even though his youngest brother (you’re only younger brother) had scars that ran deep, he’s at least safe and alive. (He didn’t fail everyone he loved, yet).

The thought kept him sane, until something happened.

He was in Pogtopia, trying to think of ways to effectively stage a coup against Schlatt, until he heard the sounds of someone running down the steps.

He looked at the direction of the sound and saw Techno, unmasked, carrying a wounded and bloodied Tommy. ~~_He can still see traces of his Techno in those worried eyes_~~

The sight made him rush towards both of them. ~~ _Failure_~~

“What happened?!” he exclaimed. He cleared the table, making space for his brother’s body.

“I found him, almost beaten to death by mobs,” the Blood God’s acolyte said with his usual monotone voice, but he could hear traces of worry and fear if he listened close enough. 

He rushed around the ravine, trying to find potions and bandages, Techno helping him.

The hours passed by like a blur. He thinks he disassociated at one point, trying to bring Tommy back from the brink of death ~~_Gods, how much of a failure is he?_~~.

He finally breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that Tommy didn’t look like he would die at any moment. 

The sight of his brother covered in bandages brought him a new wave of depressive thoughts. 

He didn’t want to break down now, so he kept it in him like a bottle ~~_he’s used to it at this point_~~. 

His face must’ve looked exhausted ~~_your mask is slipping_~~ when Techno told him to go to his room and rest. He can watch over Tommy. ~~_Failure, your fault, you should’ve been better-_~~

He was too tired, both emotionally and physically, to protest. 

He silently went back to his room, closed the door, and cried ~~_all he did was cry these days_~~.

Why does he have to be such a goddamn failure?

It seemed he couldn't do anything right.

He failed Phil first, for being too weak to pull him out of the portal ~~_you were too young_~~. Maybe if he was stronger, quicker, anything really, he still would be around.

Then he broke the last promise he made to him before he disappeared, to take care of his brothers.

He did a lousy job at that. He tried his best, he really did ~~_sleepless nights, tiresome days, working for just enough for the three of them_~~ , but it turns out his best isn’t enough.

He let Techno be captured, and forced to grow up without him. Then he became ensnared by the Blood God. He should’ve been a child before a warrior ~~_you were a child also_~~.

Then Tommy, his little brother. He should’ve known better than to bring him in any of his schemes. A normal teenager shouldn’t have worried whether they will survive the next day ~~_like you would know_~~. He was supposed to protect them, make them feel safe. But he didn’t.

Then L’manburg, his friends. He failed them all. It was such a stupid move holding the elections. They were fine before, why does he have to create chaos wherever he goes. 

L’manburg was the only thing he felt right. Where he felt he succeeded and did something right ~~_you never did anything right_~~. But he failed that too.

It seems like everywhere he goes, he leaves mistakes. He can only make mistakes. He can only succeed shortly before falling into failure.

Everything feels like it’s crashing down around him. Negative thoughts swirling around his head, filling it with static. He can’t hear anything, he can’t feel anything, it was all too much. Make it stop please, _it’s too much-_

_**Why should he care?** _

The thought was loud enough that all other thoughts stopped.

Why should he care? After all, he can only make mistakes right? What’s the point of making up for those mistakes if you’re gonna make more anyway?

The more he thought about it, the more it made sense. Yeah, why should he care? He had nothing left to lose anyway. L’manburg is gone, his brothers will soon be gone, his friends will be gone. So why should it matter in the grand scheme of things to make those mistakes?

He knows he’s going down soon, whether it’s metaphorically or physically, so why not have fun while doing it right?

He had always liked blowing up stuff.

* * *

 _Where was the gunpowder?_ , he thought to himself.

He was running low on gunpowder for the TNT, he couldn’t ask Tommy because he disagreed with his bombing plan, still holding onto the dream that L’manburg is still there like the naïve little kid he is ~~ _you were that kind of kid once_~~. He should learn that revolution is not a place for naivety ~~_he’s just a child_~~.

He would normally ask Techno, but the hybrid went off somewhere, something to do with wither skulls or something like that. He doesn’t care really, as long as he will be an agent of chaos just like him.

He really doesn’t want to go out and fight creepers for gunpowder.

Maybe if he checks the chests, there will be extra gunpowder lying around.

He rummages through some of the chests, hoping he could find enough gunpowder for his bomb plot, and hoping he won’t have to fight creepers again.

He stops searching through a chest when he finds a photo, a photo he thought he lost around a year ago when being chased out of his country.

It was the last family photo he had before everything went down the drain. In fact the last family photo they had. The rest were either burned down in their old house or lost during the war and their brief stint of living in the wilderness.

He looked at the damaged, but still in good condition picture. Their happy and carefree looks makes his chest ache.

He wishes he can go back to those days, where the most important thing to worry about is the condition of his guitar, where he didn’t have to ration their food just to survive, where they didn’t have to be on guard at all times. 

But he knows it’s not going to happen any time soon. Phil is gone, Techno is too far deep, and Tommy is too distant ~~_isn’t that your fault?_~~. Their family started to break apart the minute Phil disappeared.

“Are you proud of me Phil?” he whispers to the picture. He knows Phil won’t be proud of him, for what he’s done, but he can’t help but hope. That boy he thought died is still there, seeking approval for someone who wasn’t there for him. He knows it isn’t his fault for disappearing, but he’s still bitter about it.

He stared into the picture longer until he decided to put it in his coat. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered to the air, hoping the winds can carry his apology to him.

* * *

_Don't look at me with those eyes_

_I tried to_ _anaesthetize_

_Turn back the tide that drew him_

_But he couldn't be saved_

_A sadness runs through him_

_Through him_

* * *

“Such a disappointment you are.”

 _Don’t look, don’t listen, don’t look, don’t listen_ , he chanted to himself. 

He continues crafting the TNT needed for the plot, ignoring the hallucination of Phil standing in the corner of his sight. 

He ignores the jabs and barbed insults, ignoring how much it hurt coming from his mouth ~~_such a hypocrite_~~. He shouldn’t care right? But why does it hurt so much?

He continues crafting, keeping his mind and body busy from the thoughts.

“You only make mistakes, don’t you?”  
He ignores the stray tear that streamed down his face, and the pain that ached in his chest.

* * *

_Don’t look_

_Don’t look_

_Don’t_

_Don’t_

* * *

This is it.

The moment of truth.

Just one push of a button then everything will stop ~~_everything_ _will stop hurting_~~.

He was about to push the button when a voice he hadn’t really heard in 10 years and didn’t think he would ever hear it again.

“What are you doing?”

He turned around and saw Phil, looking weary and exhausted.

 _It’s probably a hallucination,_ he thought to himself. The hallucination looked the same as the last time he saw Phil. It’s been 10 years, everyone should show signs of aging, but the hallucination looked like it ~~_he_~~ didn’t. Plus, the great grey wings on his back gave it away that this is a hallucination. 

But some part of him believed that this isn’t a hallucination, that it’s the real Phil. ~~_You’re being a naïve little boy again Wilbur._~~

He quickly dismissed the thought. Phil can’t possibly escape the sky gods grasp, he’s probably dead now.

He falls back into his familiar mantra. _Don’t look, don’t listen._

He turns his back on the hallucination as he goes to press the button.

“Wilbur, step away from the button.” _Don’t look, don’t listen,_ he chanted to himself. Reminding himself that Phil isn’t here, that he won’t ever be here. 

“You just won L’manburg back! Don’t just throw it all away because of some principles,” ~~_his father_~~ Phil pleaded with him. 

His hand hovers over the button. His mantra now swept up with the storm of thoughts in his head. 

It’s too _**loud** _. It’s all too much, he wants it to stop, and he can only make it stop in the only way he knows how.

He disobeyed his mantra just this once. He wants his father’s face as the last thing he sees before he leaves this plane of existence.

He turned to face Phil, hand still hovering over the button. He smiles for the first and last time in a while, a wobbly and strained smile.

“I’m sorry Phil,” his voice trembled a bit. “But it was never meant to be.”

He pressed the button and soon Phil enveloped him into a hug, using his new wings to shield them both from the blast.

 _Oh,_ he thought to himself, _Phil is here. His father is actually here, and it’s not a hallucination this time._

He cried into his father’s shoulders for the first time in years.

* * *

_Don’t look at me with those eyes_

_I tried to_ _anaesthetize_

_Turn back the tide that drew him_

* * *

“Kill me Phil,” Wilbur muttered to his dad. He wanted everything to stop, he was too tired to go on. He can see the destruction, he can see everyone looking at them. Whispering among themselves, probably saying how much they hate him, and how they had the displeasure of ever knowing him.

“What?” his father said nervously.

“I said kill me! Run me through with a sword!” he shouted at him, hoping that dad would get angry enough at him to finish him off.

“You’re my son!” his father yelled back, he could see tears gathering in his eyes, his damaged ~~_your fault_~~ wings flare up.

“I’m too tired to go on Phil, I want to rest. Just please end it,” he mumbled with a resigned tone. 

He could see his dad, looking at him, looking at how tired and exhausted he was of living. He just wants blissful silence. He should know he couldn’t be saved, not anymore.

Phil slowly pulled out his sword, and looked him in the eyes, the same regretful blue eyes he saw that day.

“I’m sorry,” was the last thing he heard before he felt something sharp run through his chest, and enveloped into a hug by his father for the second time in a while.

* * *

_But he couldn’t be saved_

_No he couldn’t be saved_

* * *

He can already feel the life draining out of his body. His father is crying into his shoulder, still holding the sword that will soon end his life.

“I’m sorry dad,” he mumbled into his father’s shoulder. Talking seemed more painful to do now.

“Even if you make a million mistakes, I will always forgive you,” he hears his dad reply back.

* * *

_A sadness runs through him_

* * *

“Are you proud of me dad?” he asks. He just wants to be that little boy again, always seeking his father’s approval. He allows himself to be that little boy one final time.

“Techno likes reading, at least he did, and I tried my best to get him books and-and Tommy’s scared of the dark but won’t admit to it, and I tried to help but-” his rambling was cut off by a bloody cough. 

* * *

_A sadness runs through him_

* * *

He feels like he’s going already, but he can still hear his dad saying that he was so proud of him for staying strong, for taking care of his brothers to the best of his ability.

He feels his face make a smile, he didn’t fail that bad after all. Maybe he can finally rest in peace.

* * *

_A sadness runs through him_

* * *

“Dad,” he calls him out again in a small voice.

“Yes, son?” he can see his dad’s teary eyes.

“Take care of my brothers for me.”

The last thing he saw before he went was a warm smile and teary regretful blue eyes.

* * *

_A sadness runs through him_

* * *

Wilbur Soot took his final breath at the hands of someone who was never there for him. The boy who grew up too fast can finally be a child. 

* * *

_A sadness runs through him_

* * *

  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Oneshot of the month whoo!
> 
> Thanks for reading, this took me awhile to write.
> 
> Join the Writer's Block Discord to scream at me: https://discord.gg/tXPvkAyy
> 
> I don't know what else to say but have a good day!
> 
> I promise that I will stop the angst for the next oneshot, i think you guys deserve a break from all the angst oneshots I made
> 
> Edit: I edited the formatting, just realized on how large the spacing is


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